THE HOLE I DIG MYSELF JUST SEEMS A LITTLE SMALL

So let me make it bigger.. I am good at that. I have always been the type that digs a hole for themselves and I get out but I should learn from my mistakes.

No fuck that I guess it is some sick fun I have doing dumb shit over and over again. Oh well I have survived this long I will probably be that way for ever.

I had a friend the other day tell me that I seem to enjoy drama every once in a while in my life. If the drama is not around me every six months or so I create it. I guess all women at sometimes do that. I used to live knee deep in drama when I was in my early 20's. So I figure twice a year drama in my early 30's. Much improvement.

So this half of the years drama is PM. Why I even started back up with him I guess in reality I needed to get laid. Plain and simple. But I figured that doing it with him would be safe. Well it may be safe and familiar but let me tell you it is too fucked up. He still is the same fucker that dumped me for not wanting to be a housewife and baby maker. I mean what was I thinking.

I was up at maybe 4am on Saturday night and I was looking out the window at the rain and thought oh wow look at the rain.

I went back in the bedroom and there he was sleeping. I almost forgot about what I was doing. I had a fucking major reality check. I almost wanted to wake him up and tell him to go. I actually do not know why I did not do that. I should of. But for now I guess I am being selfish. I feel that is OK I do not feel bad about it.

Ummmm.....No not at all.


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On another note. Playoffs start tonight and I want to say that I have been waiting a long time for the Mets. I have been a true fan since birth I want to at least give them this:

If you do not win the playoffs and go to the World Series that is OK. This is the one season that during regular play you did not make me cry.

GO METS

I will smell ya later!