I HOPE THE DINGO EATS YOUR BABY

I have had it up to here with people and there kids. I really do not mind children. They have a place in this world. But what I do hate is those "everybody has to be a mother or else they are not worth anything and because I have kids that validates me as a human because I am too ignorant to validate my self"

I have a friend like that. She has 2 kids and she makes it out to be that this is something that everyone has to do...Be a mother. Like "what is wrong with you that you do not want children"

UMMMM......No definitely not me so shut your fucking trap

She says when are you going to settle down and have children???? This is a question posed to me on a weekly basis by this person.

My answer.......I have no Idea maybe never. This is not an answer that this mother wants to hear. She believes as long as a woman has an uterus that we have to use them for. me I use mine for cramps....

Women do not need to have fucking children to be whole. I am not having children for the wrong reason. I really do not even see the right reason is. Maybe I am not meant to be the mother of the year. Or the century

Fuck that changing dirty diapers, kids puking on you, boogers......FUCK that shit

I am the only one of my friends that does not have children. This makes me the envy of everyone when I can stay up past 10pm, sleep in til noon and party til dawn.

I have a cat that is as close to a kid i can get , except with a kid you can't leave then for 3 days to go to Vegas for a long weekend.

I mean you could but I believe it would be frowned upon.

So to all the childrenless "mothers" that are being talked in to having a baby because you can but are not sure that you really want one. Here is some advice for you it has worked for me for a short time in 2001 when my boyfriend was all in to having kids.

Well I convinced him that I really wanted them too, I really didn't but I thought he would break up with me and he was really good in the sac. Moving on (too much info is bad sometimes)

Anyway here is my advice

SECRETLY take your birth control......Works every time

FYI he left me for a more "fertile woman" I was better off I knew it

Anyway back to work for this Bitch

COPAY=DRUGS.......DAMN IT

Recently I found myself at the Dr.s office....Again. I believe the world is somewhat against me because I have spent more in copays than I have in gasoline in the past few months. Any way the most recent time I find my self at doc so and so's office because I believe I broke a rib.

I was swimming with some friends and this dude tried to launch me in the water and I being as graceful as I am went only like a foot and I landed my side right on his shoulder. Just to let you know that his shoulder is fine. But me on the other hand thought I broke my rib. But being as stubborn as I am I figured it was just a bad wack and it would heal in no time.

Not at all.

I went to the stupid Dr. For like the hundredth time in the last month . He took x-ray and it was not broken but I bruised the 4 rib from the bottom on the left side.

Now if any one has broke a rib or even bruised it you know like I know it huts like a mother fucker.

Well I was like ok doc so now what. He said take some advil and wait til it heals........

Was I hearing right advil!!!!!

FUCKING ADVIL

What the fuck is this I wonder. I want something a little stronger than advil. I mean this shit hurts. So I tell him this and he says that he does not like to dish out stuff like that unless it is completely necessary.

Necessary hum.......Yes it is fucking necessary

So feeling like 2 feet tall in front of authority like a DR. I slinked out with no script.

I was like what the fuck.

I have insurance I pay copays I want some damn pain meds.

I have come up with a conclusion.....

If you pay a copay you get a script....Easy and pleasy $20 copay you should get something for you money.

Definitely not fucking advil. I want some good shit.

I normally hate pain meds but this time I am really in pain.

So I know that I can never change this DR. But we could call our local congressmen and get some legislation in here.

What the fuck am I talking about.....I must be high on meds right now

R.I.P. 10/12/93 to 6/22/06

13 years was a long time and I enjoyed every second of it. I will miss you and never forget.









Sometimes you were white sometimes you were yellow depended on the time of year but you were always my best friend.

KEEP IT UP THAT MIGHT BE THE LAST THING TO KILL YA!!!!!!!

I was contemplating the other day to quit smoking and maybe get back into the the gym. I was almost there too. Then I when home Wednesday morning and was reading a few papers that were a couple days behind.

I realized that what the fuck would me quitting smoking do. And why would I waste any of my precious time in the Gym.

I was reading about that crazy fucker in North Korea that is inches away from hitting the button on a missile that is probably going to be pointed right in our direction. I believe that this is probably closer to a reality lately that anyone has thought of.

Debbie downer right

No way I am turning this around in to a positive thing. You ask how can one turn around the fact that there is some crazy Korean with nuclear weapons and is itching to use them.

Well to that I say fuck it.

Eat what you want, smoke what you want, fuck what you want and by all means say what you want. Don't be sitting around with your thumb up your ass.

We may not have the rest of our lives to so things these lives could be shorted dramatically by shit like this.

Here are the things that I will do more of and enjoy it way more,

1. Keep smoking, why would I quit I might be able to use them as money I we have nuclear fallout and I some how survive.
2. Drink what I want, no more having 1 or 2 beers because if that missile is coming right for me I want to be good and liquored up.
3. Gamble more, can't take It with you so fucking spend it
4. Have more better sex, not with like multiple partners but with just one but do it bigger and better becasue you do not want a quickie to be your last time for all eternity, hell NOOO!!!
5. Tell the people around me exactly what I think of them, good or bad I am not going to the grave with that.

well there it is.

I just realized that if that crazy Korean does not push the button I am going to turn in to and over sexed, compulsive gambler, alcoholic with a nasty cough.

Fuck it I can live with that

YO!

Hey all just a quickie to let you know I am still alive, sick very sick for like a week which sucks soooooooo bad put a post in later if I get the chance..................

GO GENO'S GO WIT YOUR BAD SELF

Recently in the paper I was reading an article about Genos Steaks, an unbelievably cool ass place located in south Philly. If you are from Philadelphia there is no need to explain. But if you are not go to Genossteaks.com

Talk about a heart attack on a bun but don't even think for a minute that stops anybody. Steak, onions, cheese and heaven all on a bun.

but now that I am off track let me get back to what I was talking about.

Genos has been displaying a sign in the window that says something to the affect we are an American business so when you order speak English. Well this pissed off a lot of people.

I really agree with genos they have the right as the owners of their business to call the shots anyway that they want. If they want life easier in a busy restaurant than making it harder by trying to translate then ok. They have balls though because the store is located in South Philly where it is becoming a majority of minorities.

I just want to say you Genos I want it wit (that means with onions)
English enough for genos they do not want people that read the dictionary they just want to understand you fucking order.

Remember there are many more things out there to worry about like starving children, homeless, or Brad and Angelina.

I tell all the people who cant speak English that want to go to genos write if on a piece of paper and say that you are a mute then there will be no problem

OOPS WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

I have done it I have single handedly committed the crime of the century. I am the most horrible person ever. I may never forgive myself. Yeah fucking right!

I have killed many things while driving in my car, no not people. But I have managed to kill a few squirrels, numerous amounts of chipmunks and 1 deer with bad luck.

Now before you call PETA stop. I never meant to do these things, squirrels and chipmunks take a chance crossing the road and every time I am near it was probably the wrong time to go for it. As for the deer I totaled a car hitting that fucker so the deer and I are even.

This is something that I may never be able to forget, I probably wont be allowed to forget.

I killed a lawn gnome



It really was not my fault, I swear.

I was backing out of my drive way trying to go to work and the crazy old lady across the street was in her yard. She has one of those yard with all this stuff in it. Like way tooo much stuff. Well she has a series of lawn gnomes there.


So I was backing out and the neighbor on the other side (an nice little hottie with his shirt off mowing the lawn) waved hello. I of course waved back, distracted as I was I ran up on her curd and killed a fucking gnome.

Big deal right.......Wrong.

This lady was so upset and almost on the brink of tears. I would of thought it was one of her kids the way she was fucking carrying on.

I should of just taken off. I mean a fucked up looking lawn thing. I don't care must of cost her like 10 bucks.

Instead as a good neighbor I got out of the car and apologized. Finished, story over now I can go to work...........fuck that!

She wanted me to pay for it . I said ok whatever, then she proceeded to tell me it cost 50 dollars. No way I have a hard time believing that. 50 dollars for something the devil himself put on earth. I mean what purpose do fucking lawn gnomes have.........

So I was like no way 20 bucks, she said no and call the fucking police. I got so pissed I wanted to break all the gnomes. Why call the police over a stupid statue.....Oh yeah right she is crazy.

She called the cops on me once because I had my sprinklers on and then we got a down pour so they were on during the rain. By the time I got out there to turn them off she was screaming that she called the cops for wasting water, 2 seconds later it stopped raining.

So I had to fucking wait while an officer responded to a property damage call.....

I love this part, the officer was a dude I used to date in High School, he is the one that I first had sex with at 17 years old after the prom.....I know how cliche.

So I see him and he knows that she is a bit crazy. So I promised to pay 50 bucks. I then proceeded to pick up the pieces of the gnome off the ground and she freaked out and said that I could not have them.

I then explained to her that I paid 50 dollars for it and that I was taking the broken pieces of ceramic.

So here is my plan to piece the gnome back together and proudly display my fucked up broken ass gnome right In the front of my house. I am going to get back at her somehow.

50 bucks that is a lot I want to see the blue book value.

by the way the officer that showed up him and I drinks Friday night. Like prom night all over again whooooohooooooo.

and just like a dress on prom night I am off

LOSERS UNITE!!!!! (Then we will know who you are)

For future reference men:

When you ask a woman to go out for a drink after work It would be nice if you bought her at least one. (you did invite her)

When trying to pick up a girl at a bar or whatever, tone down the cologne. (When distracted by smells we might not see something on the inside)

Last one goes for all odors actually

When men are lucky enough to get a woman that they like don't fuck it up. (men have a keen ability to mess up sometimes the most simple things)

Women know when you are full of shit. (it is a sense greater than sight, god gave it to us because...Oh hell just because)

If you want to go out with you buddies don't lie and say you got held up at work then come home hammered. (We will get the idea that it is not work)

When having an intimate encounter with a woman remember it is not a fucking race. (In that meaning there is no gold for first.....Actually the gold is given to the men who finish last)

If you can't do something don't pretend that you can and then fuck it up even worse. (helplessness is sometimes endearing....Other times way too annoying)

Make the bed at least once a week.

Cook dinner al least once a month. (any more than that and.....nevermind)

Compliment a girl.. (do not tell her she has a great set of head lights that is just so fucking hillbilly I can't even begin to explain)

Open a fucking door every once and a while (don't have to do it all the time but once in a while)

One word fore play foreplay foreplay!!!!!!!!

Show up when you say you are. We hate to wait

Don't take 3 hours to run to the store for something. I mean really come on

This Is my set of "rules" I guess you could call them.. I do not believe that these are too hard. I know men have rules too! I try to follow as best that I can while keeping my self.

Any men that read this feel free to comment because I would love to know what you think!


If you have any rules you think I should add or delete feel free to let me know!!!!!!!!

DOG FACED BOY IS FOR REAL

It was the worst thing ever, I was leaving work at 6:15am and of course all the fucking construction around here I had to wait and wait. But that is beside the point. I went to the local grocery store to pick up a few things and I saw the most horrible sight.

I was in line behind a woman with a baby seat holder thing, whatever the fuck it is, on her cart. I really did not care I never pay attention to that shit.

So while I stood there as she bought half the store before 7am. I give a glance in to the baby carrier. Holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was what I never would of expected.

I mean talk about shocked. Who would do that to any living creature.

It was not a baby in the baby carrier, It was a fucking dog. Not any normal dog It was one of those shaved hairless Mexican or something. I actually jumped when I saw it.

This woman had the dog in the carrier in the fucking store. Now I would say that this is a bit unsanitary but the dog had no fur so what can I say.

I felt bad for the dog forced to sit in a baby carrier and be carried all over the fucking place.

What kind of woman does that shit. She was older so you know she had to at least buy the carrier. I don't know for sure but I think those fuckers are expensive. She puts a little hairless hat on the hairless dog. It as fucking insane.

It is one thing to love you animal I have a cat that loves to hate me so I can sympathize. But give the dog a little self respect.

If I had that dog I would get him a little hat with the fake dreds coming our. If I had a dog like that I would name it killer and get it a leather jacket. The one thing I would not do is put it in a baby carrier.

So if you are out at the store and you see a baby carrier, be very careful when you look in it may not be what you expected.

Alright I have to get back to work, bye

THANKS A TON, NO REALLY THANKS!

I just want to take a moment to thank the hard working, underpaid, overly intelligent employees at the Dunkin Donuts near my job............NOT

I went to get a coffee right and this bitch was fucking around because you could see her messing with some pimply faced donut maker. Look I am not even supposed to leave work between the hours of 2am to 6am because of the alarm situation. So this was a covert operation that needed to be done quickly.

It started off quite well no one around no traffic and no one in the drive-thru.......

I am thinking sweeeeeet...

Well 1 large coffee with cream and sugar was harder to achieve than I expected.

I order at the speaker drive up and wait.....And wait.......And wait.......What the fuck.

I hate when people do this but I did It....I laid on the horn. I was fucking pissed.

1. Pour coffee
2. Put in cream
3. Put in sugar

how fucking hard is that I mean come on it is 3am you work at dunkin donuts.....Smarten up.

so the bitch comes to the window and says "now what did you order?"

why even have the fucking head set on jerk if you choose not to use it....

I figure I will fix her wagon I say large coffee black...Did no want her to call the manager to figure out the cream and sugar. She say s ok!!

I wanted to say fuck you Bitch!!!!!!

Ok so I see the light right. I pay for it she gives me my change then goes to get my coffee.

I was like ok back to work with a nice hot cup of coffee.....I was so fucking wrong.

I bitch leans out of the window as I went to reach for I she like dropped it I mean a large piping hot cup of coffee coming right at me and the car. I reacted by jumping sort of over to the passenger side.

Then I watched the coffee spill all in the inside and outside of the door................I was almost crying.

the worst was the bitch when she said "oh sorry I thought you had it....Now look here bitch face, my had was clearly 6 inches away from the cup I DID NOT HAVE IT.

So she says let me get you another>>>>>I said fuck no I am out of here. I was not waiting for another disaster.

Well I cost me $1.92 to get coffee all over my car inside and out and not fucing coffee

So I just want to tell the world Fuck you exit 12 dunkin donuts and bitch working the window I will get you back some how I have no I idea how but I will. You took coffee and made it bad tonight I will not let that shit go on in my town.....

so watch your back

SHUSH IT SHUSSHY!!!!!!!

I am so damn tired of negative people. I have zero tolerance for them anymore. I am making a change in my life and I am omitting these types out of my life.

This is a crazy thing to even think about because most people have a moment or two of negativity. I mean the people in my life that do not have even 1 moment of positivity.

I have this friend right and I have been friends with here for like 20 years, since grade school.

I have seen here just go downhill I could not give you a definitive answer as to why but I will say this. There has not been one positive word coming out of her mouth in 10 months.

People can whine and cry that life is hard they do not have money, their kids are difficult. Well see I try not to think about that because I live each day for that day, I try to make the best of it all.

These people made the choice to have children, so please quit dumping your problems about your kids on someone who does not have children and really does not care.

Don't tell me you are broke then get a second job of quit smoking pot and get a better job where you can pass the drug test..

Most important is life is fucking hard that shit is not supposed to be easy.

My life is not all fun and games it is some work sometimes.

But I am not the type that has a sense of entitlement. That the whole worlds owes me something. This world does not owe you shit. I realized that young and I work hard for everything I have.....(minus the blogging at work heheh)

But anyway I just had to get that off my chest because I do not want to hear other peoples problems that they can potential fix themselves.

If my friend is reading this.....Sorry but grow the fuck up

FUCK HIPPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell!! I was just sitting here thinking about an incident that occurred to me over the weekend. OK here goes long story short....

I was drunk I fell off my friends swing set and busted open my knee. Real bad I had to get 15 stitches and a tetanus shot.
Went to the lovely local emergency room they made me sign every form in the book you know for confidential purposes.

While I was there I see someone who I went to High school with she saw me I saw her big deal right I hated that bitch in school and 10 years has not changed that.

So any way moving on. I did not say 1 word to this bitch right.

Ok so now it is Monday ok.....I was at yet another Memorial Day bar-b-que

I see someone there that again I have not seen in like 5 years but this one I can tolerate. So she and I are catching up on old times and she then says, which I did not realize until tonight, I heard about you falling and cutting you knee.

I said yeah drunk and all. See I was wearing jeans so you could not see this ok. I go who told you and she said "hospital bitch" name replace to protect the guilty.

So here it is my medical information no matter how small is being told to other people.

THAT IS WHY I SAY FUCK HIPPA

I work in the medical field I will start telling everyone what ladies in town put anti- fungal cream on their suzies. And what gentleman in town have ED or the same rash on their palm as is on their penis. But I wont because I watched the video that my boss said we had and I said ok I wont tell.

I I am a little ticked about It but I will get over It the funny part it is Friday morning and I just realized that and that happened Monday. I am super slueth here.

I just thought to myself here that some people might not know what HIPPA is well too bad.................

I GOT A GOOD ONE!!

I got a real good one up my sleeve tonight! Not just another off the wall comment that I have been harboring for years but a real true to life annoyance. I do not know about anyone else but I was royally pissed off this morning when I read the front page of the NY Post.

Come to find out the president cut Homeland Security money for a number of states. One being
this great state of NEW York. But come to find out the Homeland security budget was raised 44% in fucking New Jersey.

Who the fuck cares about New Jersey. See I have been to New Jersey and It was ok. But I notice that there are a lot of fucking New Jersey drivers all over the state of New York. So good ole W cuts NY down 40% we get fucked and New Jersey comes out smelling like a rose.

If you ever have been to New Jersey you know that it could never smell like a rose, just more like that sewage smell that is all over that fucking state.

I really do not worry about terrorism or home land security very much I probably should. See
what bothers me more than terrorism is people from NEW Jersey.

I am so narrow minded I should be forced to take some sort of class. But the fuckers cant drive and buy up all the property in upstate NY and then my fucking taxes go up!!!

I have the new state logo

New Jersey : we smell but we are safer than NY.

I got to get back to work so I can pay my inflated taxes caused by carpet bagging scum bags that just bought the house next to mine and that little fucking dog that barks alllllllll damnnnn day.

later