WHAT IS WORSE?

Listening to Halloween music all day or listening to the new Paris Hilton CD?

That, for me is a very difficult question to answer!

Both of them are scary and eerie! Both of them are horrible and both of them make me want to sacrifice something.

If I had to choose I would rather listen to the Fucking Monster Mash on a continuous loop than to hear 1 more fucking "stars don't...what the fuck ever they do"

Between Paris Hilton, Rachel Ray, David Hasselhoff and Halloween today I think I am going to commit myself In a nice padded room! Anyone want to come and hang out?

THAT IS JUST WEIRD!

I was checking my blog today when I got into work and I will say that the Google ads are just fucked up.

I was looking at the latest one that says "nasty hardcore anal sex"

I know I can't change what they put there, but why the fuck would they put that. I do not believe that I ever used the term, hardcore, or anal. I probably have used nasty and sex but why do I get the hardcore anal part.

I think someone at google is having a little joke. That is OK with me I just really want to click on it to see what Google has to offer. But unfortunately there are certain sites blocked by work. I did not try but I am sure nasty hardcore anal sex is one of them.

I bet after typing nasty hardcore anal sex so many times in this blog I will definitely get some Unique visitors. Anything to boost readership.

I guess if you want to find some "nasty hardcore anal sex" you will have to come here and click on the advertisement. Or backdoor pleasure pics. I am not 100% sure what that even means.

I would have to guess that it is a nice collage of pics of back doors. I might be wrong there.

So be brave and, in a dark room and click on nasty hardcore anal sex, and let me know what it is all about.

So until later!!!!

100 NOW WHERE IS MY CAKE

I was just looking at this shit and I realized that this is my 100th post. Quite impressive I think, especially since every one of them minus like 3 have been dome on company time.

Hum just like this one. Don't you just love America. The land where no one pays attention to people that work at night.

Well I normally do not work on Saturdays but I got roped in because of some fucked up weird situation. I would tell you all about it but I am sure that you do not care. Actually I know you don't because I really don't care.

I will say this the radio station I normally listen to is playing some weird techno shit and I am losing it with every beat.

Saturdays are for boozing it up and having crazy sex*, not for working! I think that making me work tonight was completely retarded. I mean I have done nothing but go on the Internet and answer a few calls. But hey pay me double time I don't care. Fuck it!

I will say this I should of prepared something for #100 but as in life I really have no clue what the fuck I am doing. Fuck it!

I will tell you this I just got into a huge fight with PM on the phone because I neglected to tell him I had to work and he was looking all over for me. Oops my bad.

But that fuck is not my father so he can be a bitchy whiny ass bitch if he wants. I have to tolerance for needy. Fuck him!

All in all this was a pretty lame #100 but I have no creativity on Saturdays I suppose. Monday I will come back with a zinger!!!!

Alright later.


*only once that happened and that is a completely different post. and I think I was the crazy part.

BETTER THAN BEING POOR

I was over at Izzy's blog reading on how to use a bidet. Riveting really. It reminded me of something that drives me crazy.

Alright I work in for a medical company. I answer fucked up questions like do I need to take this pill now. My answer is pretty much yes.

But that reminds me of one evening when a poor elderly woman had ordered 10 Fleets Enema from us and when she got them the print on how to use them was too small for her to read.

In my opinion if you can't read it you should probably not be giving her self an enema. But being the employee I am I went and got a fleets and had to explain on how to use it.

I doubt that even if my best friend called me on the phone and wanted me to walk them though this I wouldn't.

But I was pretty sure this woman was a little desperate. I had a feeling at least. Well she was so happy that I was willing to help her with that trying situation that she got my name and every medical question she had she would call and ask for me. I know I am a jerk sometimes but I do feel bad sometimes for the elderly.

Next time you are in a grocery store look for the fleets enema box and read it. The pictures are very humorous.

Maybe some day i will tell you the time a woman call me and asked how her Massengil douche worked.

The things we do for money

CAREFUL FRITOS CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS

I want to tell the world that Fritos are dangerous.

I was just eating a 60 cent bag of Fritos from the vending machine and some how I am not really sure how it happened. A Frito cut my mouth. Not just on the side, It cut under my tongue that little flap of skin that holds your tongue in place. Ouch mother fucker that shit hurts.

It also reminds me of when I eat Captin' Crunch that shit will tear up your gums like crazy!

So be careful out there some food might just fuck you up!!!!!

I LOVE LONG WEEKENDS

The only reason I got a long weekend was that strangely enough I came down with a very strange illness. It was called game7itis.

I had to call in to watch the game and as we all know the Mets lost. BOO fucking HOO. Maybe next year. Well after I got over my strange illness I still could not go to work because I came down with....doyouwanttogotoATLANTICcityitis. Very rare illness. But feeling much better.

So after the Mets lost I had to pick my spirits up by going to Atlantic City for a long weekend with PM.

I had a great time and all but stupid PM did not want to gamble all that much so this was a bone of contention between us. You can only see sooooo many stupid shows. So a little argument ensued but I sort of won after all because he still paid for the room and I got to gamble.

All is fucking good. I did have a little incident with a woman from Russia or some shit....

she was being a real bitch at the Black Jack table. Now usually I know when people are drunk to leave them alone but this bitch needed to be told.

She was sitting next to me it was like 1am and kept leaning on me. Of course I knew it was a ploy to look at my cards. Fuck you drunk ass I am on to you.

So I told her to fucking quit it and she wouldn't.

Then to fucking really set me off she spills her fucking drink on me and I believe it was some sort of Vodka mixed with Vodka. It fucking stunk.

Knowing full well this bitch as drunk as she was could take me I figured that I should just let it go. But I couldn't, the dealer was getting her tossed from the floor due to her being wasted off her ass. And she turns to me and called me "American Bitch"

Now I know I am a bitch and I know I am American and fuck I am proud of that but she does not need to inform me of that. So I turn around at this point PM was there trying to calm me down. No chance of that.

I totally can't remember the actual words that came out of my mouth but I am sure that they weren't all that nice. But the whole thing ended when security came over dragged her out and I got comp tickets for a ton of shit.

So normally i would of been in her face telling her off but I was a little more polite and it worked out in my favour. Fucking a go figure.

I guess when I act like and adult it sort of works out sometimes. Huh I am going to have to remember that.

And If anyone wants to know....I lost my shirt in AC. Not pretty. '

No really I lost a nice black shirt I think the maid stole it.

alright later!

YA GOTTA BELIEVE!

LETS GO METS

Come on everyone help me root-root-root for MY home team.

Just finished watching the game and I want to say that post season baseball really is giving me a heart attack. I will be a mess tomorrow night.

Game fucking 7 = agida, hair pulling, chain smoking and many other things that most do when nervous.

Lets go boys game 7 is ours!!!!!

Being a Mets fan for do long I was a kid in '86 but I remember watching that at knowing that was something awesome.

Being a Mets fan in the past has not been easy and watching the game tonight was not real easy.

God I need a xanax to watch game 7. oh shit I will need a morphine drip when they get to the World series.

COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR

In the last 4 and 1/2 hours they have played Jimmy Buffet "Margaritaville"

FOUR times. What the fuck that is totally unnecessary. Besides that I believe they played more Billy Joel than one person needs to hear.

You may ask "why does she just not change it"

Good question I have no Idea. Instead of getting up and change it I wrote this blog. That is truly fucked up.

800 CHANNELS AND THERE IS BOUND TO BE SOMETHING ON

I heard the other day that shit about North Korea on the TV. Yeah, yeah I know you are all wondering where the fuck has she been.

I know a little late but better than not at all.

I will say this why are we all so fucking surprised at that Kim Jong Il or what ever that crazy fuckers name is.

Look at him he is the North Korean version of Tammy Faye Baker minus the tears. I know some men now a days wear make up. Not many I am sure but Kim Jong Il runs the fucking make up counter at the Local North Korean Macy's.

He is also been seen wearing woman's clothes. Now I am not saying that cross dressing is wrong. I know some of you out there do it. But being a Dictator of a country where they only have 2 television stations, starving people and you wear make-up and dresses. It all seems a little wrong.

I was watching where that Lisa Ling got in the country by lying to them saying she was a doctor or something. But if North Korea had more than 2 television stations I am sure some of them would or remembered her from Oprah or even the View.

I would never be able to live without choices. Think about it we are the luckiest people in the world just for the small fact we have choices. Christ on my cable I have like 800 choices.

So to Kim Jong Il or what ever you name is take the Nuke put it up your ass and then try to test it. I saw something about it on Discovery....oh you don't get that channel, I swear that is what it said on "how to test a nuclear weapon"

I think I am going to mail Kim Jong Il a coupon for free installation for Time Warner's all In One package. He might like that. Then when he is sitting on his sofa staring at 400 channels getting sensory overload we know we got him then. 30 Minute meals marathon alone buys us alot of time to get in there and take the nukes. I bet he would love the Real World.

Fuck I am always thinking!

NOT THAT IS COOKING

If this was in my kitchen I would be the next mother fucking Martha Stewart



















I think that there is a recipe there but I can't get past Peach Cobb.............

I LOVE ME AND EVERYTHING I STAND FOR

I love being a fuck up every once in a while. I made the last post, which got deleted, on purpose to piss off PM. HEHEHEHE

I wrote it went to work and convientely left my computer on at home. I just like to piss people off. Well anyway I get home this morning to him already up and looking quite pissed off.

I was like wow up so early. HEHEHEHEHE

Well long story short he was annoyed with me and started to be a big fucking baby. HEHEHE

So I told him that he should not read my private stuff. HEHEHE Even if I do leave it out.

So in a tiring conversation over this he was still mad. I only did it to piss him off so that I can get some time off from his ass. HEHEHEHE

I then come on here tonight to see that he had deleted the post. Oh well I can always put another one up that is worse. Maybe I will.

I have fun being and ass sometimes. I set him up he fell right into it.

Oh and if you missed my last post because you were slacking on your reading that is ok. It was something to the effect that sometimes I fake orgasms on occasion, usually when drunk because sometimes I have had enough. HEHEHEHE

Well it was true but very rare.

The worse part is that now he know that I have this blog. No one not even my mother knew about this. I liked it that way. Complete freedom to say shit without hurting feelings. I guess me being an ass killed that plan.

I know that he probably will not even remember how to get here but he might. I told him to leave my private shit alone.

******************************************

On another note I was doing my research on The Hoff and I wondered how he became popular. I used to watch Knight Rider and I used to love it. Never watched Baywatch, But i know right now that Europeans love him, He is like 3 on the charts with this hit.......

Please tell me why!!!!!! I could of made a better video and song if I had Downs Syndrome

gotta go later

UP TO HERE I TELL YA!!!!

I have had it up to hear with some people. Not all people mind you but some very special ones. There is this stupid bitch that I work with on occasion that is such a fucking retard that I actually feel bad calling her a retard because I would rather work with the mentally challenged than with her.

She is like the Paris Hilton of my job except that she is probably a little smarter than Paris, that is saying something at least.

Well I over heard her on the phone tonight saying that the government has ruined America and that the government is blah blah blah. You know shit.

So she gets off the phone I politely ask her. Why would you think that the government ruined America. Her answer is "because the government is stupid."

What the Fuck does that mean. Does that mean she does not like the form of government? Does that mean she thinks that some of the members of our government are stupid. (some are sort of dumb) (but for the sake of conversation you know)

She says that she hates people in office from the president all the way down to congressmen.

I asked her then when you go and vote vote for who you like and then you can try to fix that problem.

Her response "oh I do not vote"

What the Fuck!!

Well then go vote and fucking quit complaining.

Her response "oh I am not even registered"

What the Fuck!!

Women especially have only had the right to vote not as long as men. We should go out vote and whether or not you think your vote does not count then just do it because at one time we were not allowed to vote. We were in essence 2nd class citizens.

So after a long speech to her that you can't complain about the government until you vote then you can just shut the fuck up.

I really do not care how people vote, Republican, democrat, Independent, Green party, Communist party, what the fuck ever. Believe what you want to believe.

I am a registered independent so that I can get the fliers from both parties so that I feel that I am truly wanted at least once a year.

So on that note please men, women (especially women please go fucking vote.......

VOTE FOR ME if you have to but just fucking vote so that you do not act like a dumb bitch like this girl.

1 more thing If you hate the government go to China or North Korea maybe you will like that government better. Plus the lack of food and the abundance of disease you will be sure to shed that pesky 20 pounds..

Alright I must watch my step as I get off my soap box....later

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? PART 1

I decided to start something new. We are all forced with decisions in life some that we do not want to be in the position to make. But we are.

So I decided that once a week or so I am going to give you the ultimate decision to make. Some days it will be easy some days it will be hard. But hey life is fucking hard. So Just deal with it. Fuck I can't hold your hand.....geeze

I will say this if I was put in the position to make this decision I might just drive off a cliff....no I would not. But you must pick one.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO???????????????????

Slide down a slide made of razor blades and into a tub of salt water

or

Vote Republican

Think carefully and answer honestly!!!!!!

PLEASE PARIS DO SOMETHING STUPID!!!!

I came to the conclusion today that I have been very sensitive lately, well maybe not sensitive but more in touch with my feelings and the feelings of others.

I fucking hate it.

I need Paris to do something stupid so I can laugh and make fun of her. I need something to piss me off so bad that all that comes out of my mouth is foul language. I miss that DS.

Instead this is what I get:

Mets won!
Sex!
Raise at work!
Random Drug testing has stopped at work! (glad I got the raise..woo hoo)

I need good stuff to stop, or at least slow down a bit! Because you know what will happen. When all the good goes away, and fast, it will be a hard fall from on top to back where I belong.

I am not stating that I do not want good things to happen to me, but I want it in moderation not all at once that is a fucking recipe for disaster.

So I make a public appeal now to Paris Hilton, please fuck up or something so that I can point and laugh and then karma will even me out.

Someone out there just piss me off so I can bring some of the old DS out again and even me out.

Here is a list of possible things that might help me:

Someone cuts in front of me at the store and then takes 20 minutes to play there Lotto #'s (because obviously that is there 2nd job)

Paris cuts in front of me at the store and then takes 20 minutes to buy Natural Light Ice and Phillies blunts. (oh I wish)

Someone runs over my foot with the car

David Hasselhoff comes out to say that he is my real father...(mom what were you thinking)

Wait maybe that is it! I have to focus all my negative attention to David Hasselhoff and his new album........Must do research!!!!!!

Maybe some day I will finally get my shit together!!!!!!!!

Yeah probably not!

Later...........bam

THE HOLE I DIG MYSELF JUST SEEMS A LITTLE SMALL

So let me make it bigger.. I am good at that. I have always been the type that digs a hole for themselves and I get out but I should learn from my mistakes.

No fuck that I guess it is some sick fun I have doing dumb shit over and over again. Oh well I have survived this long I will probably be that way for ever.

I had a friend the other day tell me that I seem to enjoy drama every once in a while in my life. If the drama is not around me every six months or so I create it. I guess all women at sometimes do that. I used to live knee deep in drama when I was in my early 20's. So I figure twice a year drama in my early 30's. Much improvement.

So this half of the years drama is PM. Why I even started back up with him I guess in reality I needed to get laid. Plain and simple. But I figured that doing it with him would be safe. Well it may be safe and familiar but let me tell you it is too fucked up. He still is the same fucker that dumped me for not wanting to be a housewife and baby maker. I mean what was I thinking.

I was up at maybe 4am on Saturday night and I was looking out the window at the rain and thought oh wow look at the rain.

I went back in the bedroom and there he was sleeping. I almost forgot about what I was doing. I had a fucking major reality check. I almost wanted to wake him up and tell him to go. I actually do not know why I did not do that. I should of. But for now I guess I am being selfish. I feel that is OK I do not feel bad about it.

Ummmm.....No not at all.


*****************************************




On another note. Playoffs start tonight and I want to say that I have been waiting a long time for the Mets. I have been a true fan since birth I want to at least give them this:

If you do not win the playoffs and go to the World Series that is OK. This is the one season that during regular play you did not make me cry.

GO METS

I will smell ya later!

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IT RAINS ALL WEEKED

What a weird weekend I had it was bizarre and relaxing all at the same time.

First of all I was driving home Friday morning and it was pouring like a bitch outside. I come up over this hill and there was something in the road right in front of me. I really could not see what it was. I knew it was not and animal well an alive animal at least. So I figured that it was cardboard or something.

Boy was I fucking wrong. It was some very hard metal object that I had no way to avoid. So smash right over it. I busted up the exhaust system and something else that is causing me to leak oil. So that was a start to a great weekend. Try getting a garage to take your car on a Friday or Saturday. Of course not open on Sunday.

First appointment I could get was Friday Oct. 6th. Humm hope I do not blow it up by then, you would think that if you told them you are leaking oil they might try to help you out. Well that is what you get when you take a car to a garage that does not try to rip you off.

So all that aside I was a little angry and very tired so I went home and slept until like 4pm.

I was rudely awaken by the phone and I will tell you now I hate being woken by the phone. So I answer it, it was ex-bf PM. The conversation went something like this.

PM--Hey what is going on
Me--Sleeping
PM-- oh I woke you
Me--yes
PM--want me to call you back
Me--so you cane wake me up twice no
PM--I am sorry I was wondering if you will go to dinner with me
Me--Dinner?
PM--yeah
Me--I guess why?
PM--I want to see you
Me--Why?
PM--I kind of miss you
Me--You buying?
PM--of course
Me--see you at 7

See I knew that he would do that ask me some where so I decided to go to see what he said. To make a long story short he said he misses me and wants me back. I in a nut shell said, "so in 6 months we can break up again because I do not want what you want.

He says that any thing I want any way I want the relationship to go is my call. Fuck you bullshit. I knew that was crap the second it came out of his mouth.

I explained to him that I have moven on and I don't want children I do not want to marry you so why should we date again. He gave me the whole I love you no one else makes me feel blah blah blah bullshit.

I knew better I had the feeling that he was lonely. But I can't help his life. Not my job sorry. So he drops me off and we stood there on my back porch chating about stuff and he wanted to come in. AH I see where this is going for me. I know if I let him in it is over, I am however a woman that is a tad desperate herself but was it worth falling into the abyss. Hummm let me think.

I actually had to really think it over to come up with a rationale answer. What a fucking idiot I am. I say all that and then contemplate sleeping with him for my own selfish pleasure. With out ground rules I would be really doing something wrong.

I AM AN IDIOT!